Some parody articles originally written in the late 1980s.

ISSO Goes Underground! (Volume 1 - Number 1)

The ISSO Communications Unit is currently involved in the research of solar flares and their effect on communications over local area networks. To obtain valid data, the office has moved to an underground location, to reduce the effect of cosmic rays on their research. Roger Linder, research team leader, says "This research is critical to the success of implementations of LANs within DWR. Solar flares are nasty business, well-known to disrupt radio-wave communications on a global scale, and likely to cause us problems at or above 10 mbs."

Other members of the research team were not available for comment.

DWR Building Collapses (Volume 1 - Number 2)

The Resources Agency building (1416 9th St, Sacramento) suffered major structural damage this month when surplus network cabling was removed from the vertical riser ducts. Apparently, this wiring, installed to support then-and-now obsolete IV Phase equipment, had taken on a life of its own, and became an integral part of the building's structure. Upon removal, the "backbone" of the building (as it has been common to refer to it), no longer supported the full weight of the 17 floors. Reconstruction of the DWR building has been delayed pending approval of a new "backbone" FSR.

Delta LAN Completed (Volume 1 - Number 3)

The ISSO Network Communications Staff has recently installed the first-ever water-based LAN. The Aqua-net was implemented in the Sacramento River Delta and connects personal computers and mainframes aboard the Beowulf II, San Carlos and the recently decommissioned Beowulf I. Connections aboard the original Beowulf craft will be released once all software has been transferred to Beowulf II.

Aqua-net uses a unique method of transmitting LAN signals through the water in a broadcast format. Detectors on board each craft pick up the signals through a special gateway device, which converts the signals into Ethernet packets. Communications with mainland mainframe computers is accomplished through a special anchor/fiber interface. Fiber optic cable has been laid in the riverbed and communication is enabled by dragging the boat's anchor until it connects with the fiber. Ethernet packets are transmitted to Delta Field Division mainframe computers, where they are forwarded to Sacramento via 1200-baud modem.